"You're not going anywhere from me": a real story of stalking and a psychologist's explanation

Stalking is not a plot from a thriller. It is the real experience of many people. It's hard to recognize it right away, and even harder to prove. Society still sometimes justifies such behavior, saying that "it's love" or "he can't let go.".Statistics show that about one in seven people aged 16 and older has been stalked at least once, and three out of four stalking victims knew their offender.

Together with Olena Shulik, a psychologist and Gestalt therapist, and Iryna Nikolaychuk, who shared her story, LIGA.net found out:

• Why people become stalkers and don't stop?
• How to recognize warning signs at the beginning of a relationship?
• And what to do for those who find themselves in a stalking situation?

Iryna Mykolaychuk's story

- Iryna, could you please tell us how it all started? Who was this person and what was the connection between you before the persecution began?

- I started dating a guy: a classic school-teenage relationship with more or less conflicts, on-again, off-again. But already at that time there were bells and whistles that should have alerted me.

Of course, due to my lack of knowledge at the time about what was normal and what was not, I didn't pay attention to them. He was a couple of years older. There were big gestures, expensive gifts, lots of flowers. All this always happened in front of a large number of people. In particular, there were always vivid reconciliations with grandiose gestures. During the relationship, when conflicts arose, he often threatened to commit suicide.

Actually, once I told him a story about how our teacher was recounting an episode from her youth: a girl rejected a guy, and he allegedly hanged himself in her parents' garden. And she said the following phrase: "Imagine how she has to live with that." And then I heard this phrase repeatedly from him. Imagine how you will live with this.

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