Why small talk is no longer about the weather – and how to learn to be polite, not intrusive

Once considered meaningless chatter, small talk is now a marker of social intelligence in an age of information overload, growing sensitivity to mental health, and respect for personal boundaries. It's no longer enough to simply say something; it's crucial to consider how, when, and how carefully it's said.

Career consultant Yana Melnychenko tells LIGA.net about how the rules of small talk have changed, why we avoid banal phrases, and what "emotionally sustainable communication" is.

"In the last few years, small talk has become more conscious. People are less tolerant of insincerity or intrusive conversations. Now we talk with an emphasis on respect for boundaries, having an inner filter, and the ability to sense the mood of the other person," explains Yana Melnichenko.

According to the expert, we are increasingly avoiding phrases spoken "automatically." Today, even the shortest conversation can no longer be indifferent. Instead of personal questions, we choose delicate but sincere formulations. For example:

• "How do you feel about this event?"
• "What are you passionate about right now?"
• "What was the best moment of your week?" But phrases like "Are you still not married?" , "When are you planning to have children?" , "How much do you earn?" – have completely lost their status as "acceptable".

"The weather is almost a cliché. And, honestly, this topic rarely sparks genuine interest. We are looking for contextual 'anchors' – something that can be discussed here and now," says Yana.

Such "anchors" are local details of the moment:

• In a cafe, compliment the atmosphere or ask what they recommend ordering.
• At the event – discuss the presentation or format.
• In the office, it's about reacting to a common news event or topic of the day. This is not only more natural, but it also creates space for a more sincere connection. In other words, we are not afraid to break the mold – and that is what is valued.

As a career consultant points out, in a professional environment it's especially important to focus not on appearance, but on actions and achievements. So instead of: "You look great," it's better to say: "You held the audience's attention very well" or "I liked your argument."

Such phrases are supportive, don't violate boundaries, and don't cause tension. Especially when you're not close acquaintances or in a work context.

Sometimes the desire to "be cool" leads to a person trying too hard to intrude into another's space, explains Yana.

Here are some typical situations to avoid:

• Excessive frankness in the first conversation.
• Offers to "exchange contacts" before any contact has been established.
• Sarcastic or provocative jokes – especially if it's the first interaction.

What instead? Ask open-ended questions, listen, be natural. Small talk isn't a speech, but a quick way to "tune in" with someone.

"Small talk is about how you enter a room, how you start a conversation, how you listen. It's an opportunity to be remembered – without imposing yourself," says Melnichenko.

If personal branding used to be associated with social media and media presence, now it's about precision, politeness, and tone.

Even the phrase "And I work with teams during change – as a navigator between resistance and adaptation. What are you working on right now?" sounds appropriate, interesting, and leaves the impression of a person who knows what they're talking about.

Boundaries are not aggression, they are self-care. And they can be articulated in a way that doesn't cause tension, the expert explains.

Phrases that work:

• "Let's drop the subject – it's a bit personal for me."
• "It's not very comfortable to talk about it right now, I hope you understand."
• "I'm used to keeping a little more distance – thank you for respecting that." In 2025, respecting boundaries is part of maturity, not isolation or arrogance.

"We don't always remember what we said, but we always remember how we felt around that person," says Yana.

Body language, a smile, a glance, a posture – all of this conveys emotional signals. And it is in short interactions that nonverbal communication matters most.

• Open palms, a slight lean of the body, eye contact – these are signs of engagement.
• Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, and being too close can create a feeling of tension.

Small talk is no longer just "idle chatter." It's a tool: to establish contact, show respect, and create a sense of security and trust. In a world of quick meetings and short formats, we've learned to value not the quantity of words, but their quality. And now being polite, tactful, and attentive is not just fashionable. It's the norm of a new social code.