Red flags: how to tell if a child may be experiencing violence

When we talk about violence against children and adolescents, the most important thing is to notice changes in behavior in time, which may indicate a dangerous experience. Often, such signals are attributed to a "difficult age", hormones or character.

Adolescent psychologist Diana Zhitnya-Kebas, as part of the "It's Not Just" anti-violence campaign supported by the "Tvoya Opora" foundation, has compiled for LIGA.netA list of "red flags" — signs that will help adults notice alarming signals in time.

Changes in behavior are not just about age.

"Adolescence is usually associated with crisis, protest, and hormonal swings. But sometimes, behind sharp changes in behavior, there may be not just a feature of age, but the experience of trauma or violence (psychological, physical, sexual, or bullying by peers or adults)," notes Diana Zhitnya-Kebas.

According to a recent study by Rating Group, 60% of children who have not experienced bullying often discuss their feelings with their parents, while among those who have been bullied, only 46% do so. Children are least likely to talk about being ignored, threatened, and cyberbullied – these forms of violence are the most silenced.

What to pay attention to

Anxiety and fear.

This can manifest as constant anxiety, panic attacks, or an unfounded fear of contact with certain people or places. Teenagers may avoid unwanted contact for absurd reasons, such as locking themselves in the bathroom to avoid leaving the house, pretending not to see a call/message, or pretending not to be home.

Seclusion

Withdrawal, avoidance of conversations – even with those they previously trusted.

Sudden emotional burnout

A teenager may suddenly stop reacting to things that previously brought joy. It is important that this state lasts for more than 2 weeks. There seems to be a minimum of emotions – neither anger nor joy. Apathy and a lack of feelings are observed.

Sudden mood swings without any apparent reason.

Yes, this could be an age-related feature, but if the mood swings are strong and occur frequently (stronger and more frequent than usual), it makes sense to investigate the child's condition more deeply.

Self-deprecation

This can manifest in phrases like "I'm not needed by anyone," "I ruin everything," or "everyone hates me."

Sleep disorders

Anxiety before sleep. It can manifest physically – in the form of nervous tics, restless limbs, general nervousness, as well as through the presence of night terrors and an unwillingness to go to bed.

But it can also be the other way around – teenagers may "escape" into sleep, unable to get enough rest. And the duration of sleep itself noticeably increases several times over (12 or more hours a day, even during the school year).

Changes in dietand

Anxious behavior can manifest as uncontrolled overeating or, conversely, as a complete loss of appetite.

Autoaggression or signs of self-harm

Cuts, burn marks, and other marks on the body that can be explained as accidents: falls, bumps, etc.

Particular attention should be paid to physical and external signs: abrasions and bruises, scratches, and blood, for which there are no obvious reasons and the appearance of which the teenager cannot explain.

A drastic change in clothing style.

Although clothing is a way and a desire to express oneself, especially during adolescence, it can also be a sign of living through a difficult experience. Here, the desire to close oneself off, to hide, and to stand out as little as possible in clothing is noted; bright, noticeable clothing is chosen much less often.

A drastic change of environment.

This could be the appearance of new, unexpected friends who abruptly displace all previous ones, or complete social isolation.

Contact: with yourself, with friends, with adults

If a teenager completely stops making contact, this is not typical and can also be a signal. If you notice a change in contact, it makes sense to explore the teenager's entire field of contacts. Ask other adults (teachers, coaches, parents – if you are a teacher): are there changes in the teenager's communication style? If possible, you can carefully ask friends if you are confident in the confidentiality of the conversation.

According to the psychologist, such signs can indeed be found among most teenagers who are not subjected to various forms of violence. After all, teenagers can exhibit impulsiveness, maximalism, sensitivity to criticism, a desire to withdraw, distrust of adults, and an unwillingness to share due to separation.

How can we not confuse this with the peculiarities of age?

"A characteristic of this age is change: today one thing, tomorrow another. Traumatic behavior is about getting stuck: when one state lasts for weeks or months. Therefore, it's important not just to track a sudden change, but also to investigate whether this change persists for a long time (more than 2 weeks)," notes Diana Zhitnya-Kebas.

What can you do to support your teenager

Be there even when you are "pushed away." This fact alone may be enough to create a sense of background security. Do not demand immediate confessions. Phrases like "tell me everything now" only increase anxiety.

Say that support is available. "I'm here if you want to talk." If necessary, involve a specialist. A psychologist is not a punishment, but a resource. If the child is not ready to go to a psychologist, that's okay, an adult can go. A specialist will help you understand your observations.

Find Support and contacts You can find out where to seek help on the "Tvoya Opora" website.